A day in the life of Bobby Duling. When my Dad called and asked me what I was doing, I should not have answered nothing.
“So, You want to go to Jasper tomorrow and see if there are really casinos?” he said.
“What are you talking about? You don’t even gamble.” I said.
” I just want to see if the rumors are true, that there are gambling casinos in Jasper, Alabama.”
So we went.
I figured it would be a nice outing and we could go out to eat and talk and spend some time together. I left Arab about 9 am and we left Decatur about 10 am. We drove about 90 minutes to get to Jasper and just pass where Bugtussle Steak House used to be on Hwy 69, we saw a bingo parlor. That is all it was, a trailer full of video bingo games. We were looking for video poker, which is illegal in Alabama. So , we continued on to Hwy 278 and ate at Brangus, a fine steak house. We asked our waitress, because she looked like someone who played bingo, if she knew where there were any casinos. She did. ” If you go down Hwy 195 there is Blackwater. I think they have video poker.” We thanked her, gave her a big tip, and continued on our quest.
She was right, about 4 miles on the right on Hwy 195, there was a charity bingo parlor, called Blackwater. I went in first to scope out the place and returned to inform my Daddy that they did indeed have many bingo games inside. We both were so excited. I put Daddy in his wheelchair and inside we went. We looked at 200 machines and not one video poker game. Oh well. On the way out of the building, the proprietor smiled and asked if we did not see anything thing we liked. Daddy told him that he was looking for video poker games, and the owner replied that they are illegal in Alabama. But, if you go over to that white building and go around back, I think he has a few video poker games.” Mine you, it is not a licensed establishment.” he said. ” Go around to the back door and knock 3 times, and tell them Carlos sent you.” Now, I am freaking out, but Daddy thanks the man and says lets go. When we got to the car, I convinced Daddy that we really did not want to go to the backdoor of some speakeasy and whisper some password to play poker when you do not even gamble. He agreed. So, we headed home and I was happy. It was 1:15 and I thought that I might still get home before Bonnye and fix her supper. I decided to continue on down 195 to see where it went instead of going back the way I came, which was tried and true, and I knew. I programmed my magellan for home. I did this reluctantly, since I have already had a few arguments went her over directions. But, I thought I had plenty of time. Double Springs was familiar territory to Daddy and he began to tell stories from 1950 when he personally set every telephone pole in Alabama and stories of multiple times we had been camping at Smith lake. We passed a road sign that said 8 miles to Smith lake, so I turned. Big mistake. My Daddy had travelled all of these roads and knew a short cut. Later, I found out from the tow truck driver that this road did indeed dead end into Smith Lake. But, that did not really matter. I reprogrammed my magellan which immediately started telling me to make a legal u-turn, but I ignored her. Then, I reprogrammed for shortest distance. Mistake number two, well three if you count going in the first place. She told me to take a left at the next gravel road to the left, and I ignored her again. Then the next road 4 miles down on the left I turned. OMG. This was not a road, it was a pig trail. I kept saying out loud, “You are a fool, Bobby Duling.” Daddy assured me that this road did indeed come out on the other side about a mile and we could get back on 195. So, I listened to my Magellan and my Daddy and ignored the yelling maniac inside of me saying, ” Turn around, now.” At first, it was not so bad, smooth gravel, level. Then, it slowly turned into dirt road, then grassy marsh, and finally washed out river bed. I was .6 of mile in and pass the point of no return and kept thinking, just around the bend. I finally decide to try and turn around when we reached the branch of water flowing across our road. I carefully backed up and attempted a 3 point turn about 50 times. I finally ended up sideways across the road ( ditch ) and was backed up against a tree and could not go either direction. I was stuck. Daddy kept telling me to get out and let him try, but I was stuck. So, I left my 81 year old Daddy alone and unarmed to fight off the bears and the drug dealers and walked back to civilization. The only exercise that I have done in 6 years is walk to the mailbox every evening to get the paper, and that winded me, but this mile hike uphill in brand new suede mall walking shoes, that I just treated this morning with rainguard, nearly done me in. I trully thought that I would never see anyone again. The average man can walk a mile in 15 minutes, it took me an hour. I was wringing wet with sweat and had taken off my $100 Tommy Bahama silk shirt and tied it around my head. I looked like Chevy Chase in vacation when he left his family and spent 3 hours wandering lost in the dessert. There was no one home at the first 3 house that I came to, except one little chihuahua that wanted to eat me. I am certain there was someone home at that house, but would go to the door if there was a 320 pound with his shirt on his head. I am sure she called her husband and told him there was another crackhead at the door. I finally reached the home of Eulene Miller, a 90 year old woman, God bless her, who gave me water. She called her daughter Doreen, who lived 200 hundred yards behind the house in a lovely shack. She called her husband Akmed, who drove up in a beat up1986 Blue Chevy S10. I told them of my plight, and Doreen tried to call several people she thought might could help, but alas everyone else in the world was at work. Akmed tried to crank his tractor, but the battery was dead. We then looked for about 30 minutes for a chain saw that his son had evidently mislaid, and we finally took Daddy some water and a hand saw to cut down the tree. You see, it was my belief that if I had 2 more inches, I could turn around, so we cut down the tree that I was up against. Now, Inknow what you are thinking, but we did not drop the tree on the car, but managed to push it down the middle of the road or whatever. I then tried unsucessfully to go forward. I did however succeed in getting even more stuck. I left Daddy again to get more help. Back in Doreen’s kitchen, I waited patiently as she called everyone she knew. All the while, her 90 year old mother told me about their 6 birds, 3 cats, 2 dogs, and a painted pony they had pinned up 2 months ago not knowing who the owner was.” This cat,” she would say, was found down my the mill.” This cat, my daughter gave me. All of these birds were gifts from friends you could not take care of them. Well, the 2 cock-a-tiels in that cage were a pair, and that one there, Pretty Girl, who was a male, came from so-and-so, and that baby Dinosaur was born last spring. It was the ugliest thing when it was born, so we named it Dinosaur. When it was a baby, Bad Mama and Pretty Girl was plucking it’s feathers out so we moved her to this cage……” I also found out that Bother, a black cat with green eyes that looked like Boots without the boots, was also a rescued stray, as well as both the dogs. I had found the right house. They would surely found me help. I heard Doreen asking Mable if she knew where Elmer was. I am not making up these names. Then I heard her ask for another number to reach him at, I done tried that one. Now, I have to interrupt and say I had no service on my cell and was hopelessly in need of help. She finally reached Elmer and he assured her that he would be there within 30 minutes. Now, I received the full tour of the yard from Doreen, who was proud of her tomatoes, watermelons, figs, okra, corn, etc….. I was concerned about Daddy and wanted to take him some more water, but Akmed was now busy with the cable guy who had arrived to give them wireless cable access. Apparently there was some confusion about not being able to hook up all 3 computers. Now, I have to say, I was surprised this house had indoor plumbing. Seriously, this house belonged in a museum. Eulene told me that her and her dearly departed husband had moved into it 62 years ago. Get that, it was already there! I had to walk slumped over, because the ceiling were 6 foot period. Aluminum table and chairs, old formica countertop, asbestos shingles on the siding, and a tin roof. Eulene was sitting in a wing back sofa chair with an old pink knotty bedspread over it with her feet propped upon a tattered and torn brown foot stool watching The Andy Griffin show on regular TV with an adapter larger than the TV itself sitting on top. It had to be a 30 year set in a cabinet about 15″ MAX. She could not have enjoyed a big screen through all of the cigarette snoke in the house anyway. I thought the house was on fire, all 3 smoked non-stop the 3 hours I was there. Finally, Eulene spoke from the other room, ” Elmer’s here.” Thank God. I ran to Elmer’s tow truck and wondered who had brought him here. It was the rattiest truck I have ever seen. It was held together with bailing wire, literally. I could barely get in the passenger door and was looking out a spider-webbed windshield. As we bounced down the road, he inquired as to how I came about getting stuck way back up in them thar woods. ” Hell, you would have to be some kind of idiot to go off down that road. Hell, it’s been closed 20 years.” Well, I replied, A sign would be nice. I then noticed the No Tresspassing sign laying on the ground for the first time, this now being my 5th time to pass it. He just kept laughing all the way to the car at how dumb I was. I just know folks in Blackwater, Alabama will be telling this tale for years. We finally reached the point of no return and I told Elmer that he better turn around and back in from here. We did and backed down another 500 yards until he felt it was unsafe. Then we pulled out his 75 yards of cable and 2 chains and a rope and hooked up the car. I just knew if he only moved me a inch that I could start pulling on my own up that hill. He tried for several minutes to find a safe place to hook up and warned me that this might pull off your bumper. I just don’t want you to get mad. I assured him that I would not, and kindly asked, “Just pull me out.” He slowly pulled the slack out of his cable and my car slowly slid around and pointed up the hill. I followed Elmer up the hill and thanked him for saving my life and paid the man 50 bucks. I know, unbelievable. I then returned Akmed’s saw, and thanked Doreen for her help and tried to pay them for their help, but she would have no part of it. We were glad to be of service. God bless them, God bless them all. Doreen told me not to be mad at my Daddy but cherish these moments and be thankful for them. In is defense, she said, that road did cut through 50 years ago. I know the GPS still recognizes it and you are not the first person to go down that road by mistake. Well, I feel better. I am thankful my Daddy was alright. I am thankful my car was unscratched. I was thankful that I did not get raped, which did cross my mind on the way out that first time. I am thankful God put Eulene in my path today.
I am thankful that I still made it home before Bonnye and fixed her dinner at 8 pm.
Oh, and I know what I am getting my Daddy for Christmas.
A video poker game.